It has been forever since I posted to this blog!!! I guess I had nothing to say or was just to busy to say it??? Whatever the case may be... I am posting today!! Today I am just S-A-D... about myself and the condition I have allowed myself to get into!!! I need to lose weight...AGAIN! What else it new???
I have needed to lose weight every since I had my first child and even when I was OK and should have revealed in being OK... I didn't!! Then I actually lost weight and even then I wasn't proud of myself... I never gave myself an ATTA GIRL... I just hung my head, in shame that I needed to lose SO much weight in the first place!! So now it comes again... I need to lose weight!! Maybe not as much as I needed to 6 or 7 years ago, but IT feels like I need to lose that much weight again... I am wondering where the motivation came for me then, to get on a strict diet, stay on it... NO CHEATING, EVER!! For 10 months and lose 85 pounds... and where is the woman that did that? Why can't I find her? Where is the woman who just 2 years ago was walking 2 Miles everyday and also doing yoga for 20 mins in the morning? WHERE HAS SHE GONE!!! I am so disgusted with myself and I am afraid that I am never going to get that back again??? WHY oh Why is it so hard for me to just DO IT??!! Where will I find motivation to save myself and become happy and healthy again... To stop indulging the monster within me that rages and is never satisified, both with food or with herself? This has to stop and I have to be the one in control of myself and the raging monster within!!!
IT is time to change my habits and to become that woman again that cares about herself and that is control of her eating habits and exercise habits. The woman that I have been in the past and will be once again...
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7 months ago
Vonnie!! I'm so glad you're back to blogging again!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sad to hear you feel like this! I think you are so beautiful! You're always smiling and making me smile and laugh. You're so sweet, and you are the most creative person I know! I'm jealous of your excellent papercrafting!
I know what it's like to be unhappy with my own appearance, no matter what anyone else says though. Honestly, I hope that you can get back to a place where you're feeling great about yourself again! It can be a tough road, but you got the stuffs to get there. I see it in you everyday. (And I'm glad I get to see you everyday again!)
If you ever need someone to tell you how great you are, I know a TON of people who will be able to vouch for that. ;D
L-O-V-E,
M